Op Eds & Essays
Pamela Jane is an author of over thirty children’s books, and an essayist whose work has appeared in The NY Times, The Wall Street Journal, The NY Daily News, Writer's Digest, The Independent, and The Writer. Pamela has also published humor in The Daily Drunk, Erma Bombeck, Brevity, The Satirist, and others.
Photo: The author in 1975 by Jun Kobashigawa
Sex, Violence and Money: A Rebuttal To Austen’s Most Celebrated Detractors
Austen’s novels are saturated with sex; you just have to know how to look. It’s called sub-sexting, a subtle form of sexual tension that Brontë’s pen was too heavy to dwell on.
I Didn’t Vote For Trump Again Because Of My Daughter
After the El Paso shooting, my daughter was afraid to go to Walmart. Now I am putting myself under a moral microscope, interrogating my political assumptions.
Surviving Halloween When You’re Spooked By The Doorbell
Every time the doorbell rings, I have an uncontrollable urge to hide behind the couch. This is difficult enough under normal circumstances. But on Halloween, it’s a nightmare.
A Writer’s Life: Slights, Slams, Slander and Gender Pronoun Switches
The worst thing anyone ever told me about my writing, though, came from my ex-husband. "Your writing illustrates tendencies I deplore," he said, during one of our arguments. I wasn't crazy about his tendencies, either.
Virus and Vaccines: A Screenplay By Jane Austen
ELIZABETH: Mr. Darcy will not be renewing his addresses to me. He will make very sure Bingley gets triple-vaxxed too, and quarantines too.
How To Publish Everything You Write
When my daughter was four, the perfect solution popped into my head. If she married Prince Harry when she grew up, I’d be a royal in-law and editors begging me for something – anything¬ ¬– to publish. Rejections would be a thing of the past!
A Valentines Ode To Friendship
The tacked-together phrases on the dating site are a hazard. It’s like trying not to step on the end of a loose board that could pop up and clunk you on the head, which is exactly what happened when I inadvertently sent a man called George a message.
How I (Literally) Broke Into Print
I didn’t even try to make my story sound appealing. “It’s a Christmas fantasy about a little girl and a ballet doll,” I stated flatly. The editor responded quickly, “Please send your story right away.”
My Mind And Body Disagreed About My Abortion
It is an indisputable fact of my existence that I have two people inside me who are in constant conflict. They don’t acknowledge each other; they don’t even return each other’s phone calls. (Thank God they can’t both vote.)
A Roadmap For Your Memoir or Novel Synopsis: 5 Tips
Writing a synopsis is easy! All you have to do is hit on your book’s highlights, while simultaneously illustrating the dramatic arc in gripping scenes that drive the plot and convey the universal appeal of the story in the voice and style of your original piece. And don’t forget to demonstrate your stunning mastery of the marketplace.
Panic Is My Writing Process
It was easy to slip into the holiday spirit on a gray November morning as I sat down with pen and paper by the glowing wood stove. But after several hours of scribbling random rhymes, I started to panic.
Life Lessons Learned From Therapists That Have Nothing To Do With Therapy
Dr. L. took a brief history, then ordered me to count backwards by sevens. I was completely unnerved. Couldn’t he have done sixes? I’ve never been good at sevens.
The Baby Union Manifesto
The Baby Union is timeless, universal, and membership is compulsory at birth. But watch out, moms and dads, you’re the ones paying the dues!
I Was Sixteen With Nowhere To Turn
As an adolescent, I was trapped in two bad relationships: the one between my parents, and the one between my conflicted selves. I might have been able to run away from my parents, but how on earth was I going to escape my selves?
My Cat For President 2024: Vote For Mittens
Reason No. Mittens a look-alike mouse pad so if he wanted an extra-long nap, the mousepad could stand in for him. (Every president uses one; you can tell if there’s an eerie Twitter lull.)
I Waited So Long For My Beautiful Daughter
I stared at the infant asleep in my arms. This tiny being, this slender new life, was entirely in my hands.
Chronic Pain: Is It All In Your Head?
Although my back pain vanished after consulting Dr. John Sarno, my unconscious mind did not appreciate being called out.
Giving Up Is Not An Option
When I was trying to break into publishing children’s books, a well-known agent wrote me a letter. “Your stories all have cracks in the middle. The beginnings don’t go with the endings.” This pronouncement sounded fatal. My stories had a genetic flaw – a death sentence for my future as a writer.
No One Feels Sorry For You When You’re Living In Tuscany
I cried when I couldn’t find thread to sew on a button, and sent desperate emails to friends back home. I needed help – A surrogate mom, a crooked cook, a robot, anything!
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Curabitur pellentesque arcu eu elementum gravida. Vestibulum a massa nec felis feugiat varius. Aenean lobortis lorem felis. Aliquam erat volutpat. Morbi sapien nulla, mollis a tortor ut, vulputate feugiat eros. Vivamus elit purus, scelerisque vel rutrum a, congue quis odio. Sed volutpat a turpis ullamcorper accumsan. Maecenas quis interdum tortor, nec scelerisque ex. Integer lectus erat, pretium vitae diam suscipit, tristique sodales erat. Donec ultrices eget magna id dapibus. Duis justo diam, rhoncus non ipsum in, sagittis rutrum justo. Fusce nec dui sed lacus convallis hendrerit eu quis orci. Sed vel egestas lacus, et pellentesque eros. Maecenas ut blandit ante, a varius diam. In hac habitasse platea dictumst.
I Can’t Have A Baby Because I Have A 12:30 Lunch Meeting
I agonized about whether I should back out. After all, there was an “opt out” clause in the contract I had signed.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam in tortor sit amet leo faucibus egestas. Donec fringilla ante elementum, sollicitudin turpis id, mollis mi. Curabitur vitae dignissim purus. Duis dictum eget nisi sit amet mattis. Nam vel eros nec lorem aliquam maximus ac eu massa. Suspendisse vel nisl eleifend nunc venenatis placerat id sit amet quam. Suspendisse blandit felis vel mi porttitor laoreet. Etiam ullamcorper egestas mauris, in pharetra nulla vestibulum quis. Sed tempor, urna ut consequat luctus, lectus metus rhoncus nulla, vitae elementum quam nisi et diam.
Aliquam sagittis orci nec quam rutrum, et pellentesque justo interdum. Proin scelerisque nulla sapien, nec ornare nunc suscipit in. Phasellus non neque aliquet, commodo ante varius, porttitor dui. Praesent sed commodo justo. Mauris at pellentesque turpis. Phasellus sollicitudin tortor ultricies sagittis ultrices. Maecenas mattis facilisis scelerisque. Proin faucibus tempor ipsum a hendrerit. Sed nulla massa, dapibus a elementum mollis, vestibulum ac tortor. Duis ornare commodo sapien non congue. Ut euismod mi ut elit lacinia imperdiet. Integer quis consequat libero, vitae porta quam. Sed tincidunt tempor tellus, in hendrerit diam pulvinar a. Etiam varius sit amet mi eget eleifend.
Nullam euismod a lacus a mattis. Integer in lectus tempus, lobortis dolor sit amet, lacinia odio. Morbi vitae turpis laoreet, tempus odio in, commodo velit. Sed sed mauris suscipit, pulvinar magna id, lacinia nisi. Curabitur sodales fermentum ultrices. Praesent vitae sem vitae lorem fringilla sodales. Pellentesque sed interdum augue.
Nam ornare enim quis ligula laoreet aliquam. Ut sodales neque erat, ac elementum urna bibendum et. Pellentesque accumsan, lacus eu elementum porta, felis ipsum congue erat, sed congue urna erat in elit. Maecenas suscipit eleifend pulvinar. Mauris in elit sit amet diam venenatis condimentum. Quisque vestibulum, eros convallis semper tempus, ex erat pellentesque mi, eget tincidunt metus mi ultricies lorem. Praesent eget lectus vehicula, laoreet turpis eget, mattis mauris. In et eleifend lorem. Praesent convallis dapibus pulvinar. Quisque eget pulvinar lorem. Integer in vulputate lectus. Curabitur ullamcorper ultrices velit, quis venenatis risus.
Curabitur pellentesque arcu eu elementum gravida. Vestibulum a massa nec felis feugiat varius. Aenean lobortis lorem felis. Aliquam erat volutpat. Morbi sapien nulla, mollis a tortor ut, vulputate feugiat eros. Vivamus elit purus, scelerisque vel rutrum a, congue quis odio. Sed volutpat a turpis ullamcorper accumsan. Maecenas quis interdum tortor, nec scelerisque ex. Integer lectus erat, pretium vitae diam suscipit, tristique sodales erat. Donec ultrices eget magna id dapibus. Duis justo diam, rhoncus non ipsum in, sagittis rutrum justo. Fusce nec dui sed lacus convallis hendrerit eu quis orci. Sed vel egestas lacus, et pellentesque eros. Maecenas ut blandit ante, a varius diam. In hac habitasse platea dictumst.